What I Don’t Want You to Know About Me

 

What I don’t want you to know about me is this: I’m not perfect.

I don’t want you to know that I want to control how others behave and feel when they are around me. I’ve wanted relationships to be perfect, for people to act in the way that I want them to. I want to control others at times, and I get frustrated if people did not act the way I wanted them to.

I want to control other’s reactions. I want to control what they do with their time. I want to control their feelings… I want them to make me feel a certain way at times.

I wanted to control perfection.

But, you cannot control perfection. Perfection isn’t taking someone else’s power away. I don’t want to be controlled in my life– so why was I trying so hard to control others?

I wanted so bad to have things the way I have in mind. I want so bad to run the show– to control everything. And this isn’t perfect. I though that this way of living would make me feel good– it actually wears down on me and makes it so I don’t enjoy the relationship. Too much control and expectation in relationships caused me to not enjoy my relationships with others.

What’s perfect is unconditional love. What’s perfect is Acceptance. What’s perfect is living in flow. When I’m in this state, I feel free! Letting go of expectations sets everyone in the relationship free. I love and enjoy my relationships so much more when I practice unconditional love.

Living in such a way that love transforms every situation in my life. Living in a way of release and surrender vs. the power struggles and control as a way of life.

My fear was that if I could not control others, then I would not be loved.

I don’t want to force anyone to do anything anymore, or to be a certain way.

As I let go of this fear and wanting to control– there was more space to breathe! I let go of expectations, and I’m continuing to. I find that the love other’s have for me is still there, but without the pressure of me trying to force it out of them.

Letting others express themselves is my favorite way to love.

And it’s all perfect, all the lessons and the love I learn is perfect.

And it’s working! I’m learning.

Love you all!

-hope

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