On Giving Advice

This topic has been on my mind lately.

Giving advice, or receiving advice from others. Everyone seems to have an opinion on most, if not everything you do. I’m pretty sure all of us have received advice that was not wanted or needed before. I am also sure that we have all given advice or have tried to help someone, but in the end it was not really any help to them.

Generally, I like to think that people can handle life and all it brings on their own. They know where to find me if they need help, and my self- worth and self-value does not decrease if someone does not want advice from me. Those people that don’t need my help are just being themselves.

It’s completely fine.

When someone does want my help, I try my best to listen to them. Giving them space to breathe, talk, feel, and experience whatever they need to. Many times, giving advice does not mean coming up with a solution for the person. It’s listening, empathizing, and just being there for them.

Usually, when people are given this space to process what’s going on, they come to a conclusion on how to carry on from their situation. Most people that I help are very capable individuals who can solve their own problems. I may offer a thought or two, to help give perspective on their situation. This can help them to come up with their own solutions, to help them to think about it.

I don’t need to tell them what to do, I just need to be there for them. Ask them what they need from me. I will offer up what they ask for, what they are looking for feedback with.

But, their choices are in their own hands. It’s not up to me.

I will never take away anyone’s power to choose what they would like to experience in life.

When dealing with someone who tries to control your decisions in the form of advice, using very clear communication with them is helpful. Growing up, I’ve had a lot of people trying to take my power away and make decisions for me. Learning to trust myself, and learning how to trust non-controlling people is a must for me. It’s a process. And realizing that I’m capable and able to solve any problem that comes my way has been huge for me.

It has taken me constant releasing of other’s opinions and judgements. It has taken constant reassurance from myself to say “I’m good enough,” “I matter,” “I can make my own decisions.”

I hope we all maintain enough courage to make our own decisions, and be there for others when they need support!

-hope

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