Have you ever…
Have you ever woken up inexplicably sad? Like there’s no real reason for you to be feeling that way, but the emotions are there?
That’s how I felt this morning. It felt as if a sea of negativity from the past and the present was meeting into one, and it was a hard ship to navigate. Everything in your “Ocean of Emotions” is valid, is real and living. This wave of emotions seemed to include only the bad, the loss, the pain, the disappointment and sense of abandonment that seems to keep coming back. I then stopped looking at the waves currently surrounding me and looked up to a wide ocean in the horizon. In every direction, in every depth and constantly moving. Bringing my own personal ship forward can’t change those current waters, but I can leave them behind.
And I left them behind by sitting up, and just bringing all my attention to my nose, and the breath entering it. That breath traveled down to my throat and I could feel my nose and my throat, and how alive they are. My attention then moved to my heart, and I instinctively placed my right hand there. Feeling, as much as I could, the rise and the fall of my breath. And then down to the belly, where my left hand found it’s place. My head hung low, and I was just trying to feel my body, it was my path out of the negativity I had woken up with. I just kept breathing. I don’t know how long I was there, but it didn’t feel too long.
I didn’t feel lost anymore, I felt like myself again. The self that wants to explore and grow and experience and talk to people. There is also that side of me who wants to hide, and be stiff and remember the sadness. I need both to be me. Right now it’s about learning to navigate both sides.
I had to intuitively listen to what I needed in the moment
Somewhere in all this, before the breathing exercise, my mind was trying to reach back to all the teachers I had listened to and their advice. May have been from self help books or talks from youtube, a podcast, really anything to bring me out of it. All if it just blended together like static on a radio, in-between stations. I wasn’t able to help myself until I let go of “what I maybe should be doing” as taught by these leaders. I still learn a lot from them and take what lessons I need, but in this instance, it wasn’t helping me to try and mimic published advice or any outside way. I had to intuitively listen to what I needed in the moment.
I needed to breathe in the moment, but I also had to make a list of what makes me happy. The things that I can do for me to make me happy, feel loved and seen and heard. At first I didn’t want to, because that seems basic and cliché. But I kept thinking I need to do it so I did. I’ll end this post with The Things that make me Feel Good. To remind myself that there’s nothing too basic that can’t also be helpful.
Things That Make Me Feel Good:
- breathing intentionally
- putting lotion on my body
- gentle yoga
- drinking enough water
- being grateful
- washing my hair
- doing my nails
- making plans ahead of time
- learning new things
- making time for myself
- gentle music
- salt lamps
Here’s the end of my list!
Feel free to make your own “feel good” list if you feel called to do so.
Hope you all have a happy Sunday!